confessions of a half-asian

been spending a lot of time on my knees recently–scrubbing bathroom floors, bathtubs, etc.  or stuffing washers.  Just mundane things but they make me think.  On my knees is definitely where I need to be spiritually as well as physically because it is a position of both of weakness and of service.  I cannot in any way walk through this life on my own.  Bob Foster tells us a lot that you can’t fake it.  You can’t truly bring guests the service and love of Christ if you are not receiving it and this is so true.  I cannot live for Christ by standing on my own.  I am on my knees before him because without him I fail.

kneeling is also quite the position of humility.  Frequently guests re-enter their cabins while I am finishing up and it is always a little awkward because there I am talking to them about whatever whilst at the same time on my knees scrubbing their bathroom floor.  I wander if they find it awkward—but that is just a stray thought.  What I really wanted to say was this: it is impossible to talk down to someone while cleaning their bathroom.

Thank goodness for the Father of Heavenly Lights!

busy day today–started at 6:30 with 20 thoroughs to do because today is a transition day between groups of guests.  My team had four big cabins and we finished earlier then a few other teams and went to help them.  Also had to sit and serve tonight which always scares me half-to death.  Anyway that’s the way the day went–night walks continue to be gorgeous.  tonight there is a birthday so there might be a troughing–the ranch tradition requires the person with the birthday to be thrown into the horses trough–blech.  (only staff of course) Makes me glad my birthday is after I leave!  Gotta go get some rest as the day starts early again tomorrow.  I am learning to enjoy the early mornings though as they make the days last longer.  Plus it is easier to get things cleaned in the mornings when there is no one about!

I don’t have time (or energy!) to write a lot but i guess some news is better then no news at all so here goes. We made it through orientation week–thank goodness. It was really hard for me because i had just started settling into the way things were when all these new kids showed up and things changed again. Anyway, now we are settling back into a routine again and it is good. Let’s see, among interesting things I have done today–well, not much really–vaccuming, cleaning toilets, sinks, etc.

We did have a wrangler rodeo yesterday and that was lots of fun. My favorite event was bareback tag where the wranglers all ride around in the ring bareback and try to tag each other–mostly the new guys just fall off but they just get right back on. Other interesting events included some steer lasso-ing which always got more interesting when the wranglers had to attempt to get the rope off of whichever part of the calf had happened to be lasso-ed. Anyway it was lots and lots of fun to watch and added something new to the day. Last night we played flag football on the field using car headlights and duct tape flags (my proud invention).

I have been memorizing Phillipians 2–a good verse for the type of work I’m doing this summer. I especially like this part:

“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit but in humility consider others better then yourselves. Each of you should look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others… Do everything without grumbling or complaining that you may be blames and pure children of God in a crooked and depraved generation.”

The grumbling and complaining part is always good to hear and here at the ranch it is vital for everyone that we look to each other’s interests. It is definitely an expanding experience.

Also, on an almost totally separate topic, but still one very close to my heart, I have been reading Elisabeth Elliot’s Passion and Purity . It is a beautiful book dealing mainly with following God’s will as opposed to your own. Elisabeth talks about her relationship with Jim and how, although they knew they loved each other they decided not to get married in order to follow the will of God. Although nothing remotely in this nature has happened to me it has still been influential in bringing my thoughts into line in terms of putting God first in my life.  I especially liked her discussion of staying “asleep”  in Christ until He calls you to come “awake”  to a boy.

That’s all for now, hopefully I will update you all sooner rather then later!

God has been good to me my first couple of days here at the ranch. It has been a “vertical learning curve” for sure but each new thing is a pleasure to conquer. I was sure after my first day that I wasn’t cut out for this. After my second I thought I could without saying, is beautiful. I can’t think of a more gorgeous view to wake up to in the morning.

There is a mountain called Sawtooth across from our porch that lights up in the morning with the gentle rising of the sun. Then my day begins. The first thing I learned here is that everything has a different name. There are make-ups, turn-downs, thoros, etc. Even the vacuums have different names: Grog (the most reliable), or Hilda, for instance. Apparently a lot of people have nicknames as well—Moose, one of the kitchen workers, or Biff a cowboy. Back to the routine—the day starts out with A.M.’s (another term) wherein we simply clean and straighten the public areas.

There are four major jobs (if this is going too in depth for you too bad—just skim. I want to remember this later.) Baby-O (see what I mean about the terms) which is the spaceman like vacuum you wear on your back and with which you simply go around the edges of the room; LOC—our organic cleaner for everthing that isn’t wood and might collect dust. Then there is the Buff up for all the wood and finally bathroom which is exactly what it sounds like. After that breakfast—yum. And then we head back to the Comm which is basically the room where all the cabin girls hang out. Then begins the folding—the never ending folding—mountains and mountains of sheets and pink-ish towels seem to congregate there in poor pathetic lumps! Later in the day we might have thoros—which is the term for cleaning cabins between the guests visits—we load up a kit (with all the chemicals and rags and trash bags) and a vacuum and then we load up into Mona (a white van with no seats in the back, no door on one side and, most unfortunately, no power steering!) and drive the routes between cabins, unloading like a S.W.A.T team with all our equipment. Driving the routes sounds easier than it is because it is all dirt roads here and all one way so it involves a lot of backing up and turning and backing up again. Once you’re in a cabin for thoro’s I feel like it is a race against time. Each cabin is only supposed to last about 30-45 minutes which is easy depending on the number of people on your team.

The people here have been delightful and fun. I have especially enjoyed our morning devotion with our team of cabin girls. I will tell you more later but it is late now (10:20!!! Which doesn’t seem bad but our days start at 6:45). I will say I went to my first square dance tonight. I loved it! How’s that for a teaser? More later, I promise.

The sun was vigorously illuminating the landscape as I drove home today but it still felt somewhat like driving off into the sunset. My freshman year is basically over now. I will be returning for one quick day of finals and that’s all. Overall it has been an excellent year, better even than I anticipated at the start of it. It’s sad, really, that it’s over. It was a new refreshing start the likes of which I won’t get again. It indicates youth and freedom and the passing thereof and I feel a little older and tired-er to know the year’s at its end.

At the beginning of this year I talked to a lot of people who said that these would be the best years of my life, or at least that these had been the best of theirs. I was skeptical and I didn’t like the pressure of the situation. “Best” is a lot to live up to. My childhood years were wonderful. I would even say some of my high-school years were great. And yet, this has indeed been one of the best years of my life. I have been lonely and sad and bored and tired. But I have loved it. I have drawn closer to many friends and made new friends that feel like old friends. I have experienced long lazy lectures and late night cramming, dining hall food and football games and intimate fellowship. I have missed my family while at school and gone home and missed my friends.

Now, standing at the precipice before another new adventure, I find myself looking back on this old year with fond and comfortable reassurance. Change will come but the human soul is stronger and more adaptable than we would guess. You think you have become molded perfectly into one little shape but if you squeeze enough you will soon find that you can shape yourself into other places just as comfortably. Thank God for flexibility and for providing joy and comfort and fellow human beings in the throes of similar struggles to our own.

Now that I can say without any pressure that this HAS been one of the best years of my life I may also say that without that title to live up to I just expect them to keep getting better. No pressure.

I have been very neglectful lately but I have just been entering a lazy phase in my life so please forgive. Unfortunately this lazy phase comes right at the beginning of finals—every college student’s gorgon, if you will. Indeed, finals are the Mr. Potter of our Wonderful Lives. Every college student has a similar reaction to the notion of finals and it goes something like this:

“Uaaaaarrrruuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaagggggggggggggggghhhhh.”

Clearly not enthusiastic. Also, the recipe for a truly college-like finals season includes procrastinating, complaining and pretending to study while spending countless hours doing absolutely useless things on facebook. (Which is every student’s Achilles heel, while we’re on the mythology.)

But I honestly did not intend this post to be a rant about finals. Its just almost second nature to revert to that. What I really wanted to discuss in this post is the culture of Russia.

Russia is a country very near to my heart and a country that is quickly slipping away from the ideals and goals of a free and democratic society. I read recently in the newspaper about Putin having a Methodist church shut down for not having the appropriate educational license for its Sunday school—which, by the way, contained about four children.

Apparently this is just the tip of the iceberg in terms of Russia cracking down on religious institutions. It seems that Putin has picked the Russian Orthodox Church as the semi-official religion of the country and is taking steps to get rid of the other options. This is clearly a devastating turn of events for the country of Russia as a whole.

Already the future for Russia was looking bleak. I talked to a Russian friend in the summer last year and he described how once he had hoped his sons could grow up in Russia and become leaders in their community there. He had hoped that they could be part of the change Russia was experiencing. Now, he said, he just hopes they can get out. He hopes they can move to America.

The people there have no hope, he said. And it shows. Fewer and fewer people are even involved in the elections or politics—some would say this is a backlash from the turbulence of the 90s. Although the economy is more stable then in the past few years the people are rapidly losing their freedoms and the voice of the individual is quickly losing all power. The Kremlin is working to censor all television broadcasting and it is becoming increasingly difficult for independents to run for office. Russia’s population is dropping rapidly and the average age of death is the youngest of any European country (58 for men).

What went wrong? I’m not sure that’s a question I am qualified to answer. However, I do know that, to me at least, loss of religious freedom is one of the greatest indicators of disaster looming for a country.

Religion is perhaps the most volatile and influential institution known to man. I would even go so far as to say that it, more then government, will determine the direction a country will take. Part of what makes religion so dangerous is that it simply refuses to be controlled. Because of the very nature of religion and the fact that it is based on belief in a higher being it will not follow the course that men set so neatly before it. The Catholic Church has tried time and again to use religion to control the masses—and it has worked for a time. However, eventually there always comes a throwing off of the mantle. Look at China’s attempted control of Christianity.

By taking steps to control religion Russia has crossed a very fine line which will lead to further distress in the lives of the Russian people. The right to freedom of worship is one of the basic rights of mankind and one that it is not one to be bound. Man, above all else, will choose his God.

One thing you will learn about being on a college campus is that holidays are a big deal. Also, any type of movement or activist activity calls for a pretty big gathering/protest/party. I blame the hippies for this.

Well, today is Earth day so since that fits into both of those categories it is a pretty darn big deal around here. The earth day supporters have set up booths and tables on pretty much any green space (thus killing the grass??) or courtyard they can find. Also they have hauled in loads of balloons (which they will presumably dispose of in an earth friendly way) and a band of some kind (noise pollution?). Now understand that I am all for this. Students getting involved is an excellent and worthy thing and the earth itself is actually a pretty excellent thing too. So, please, by all means, save the earth. I love trees and nature and I am all for that.
However, what does bother me a bit is our tendency toward movement fads (see Africa, last year). These are important issues that need to be addressed, but so many people just pick them up while the celebrities are doing them–Arnold the Governator is recycling so why can’t I?–and then drop them like a hot rock the minute they are out of fashion. What happened to good old fashioned loyalty to a cause? And of course some people do stick to their cause of choice pretty vigorously but the general public swings back and forth on the advocacy winds of Hollywood.

Its as if we wear out one cause and then have to quickly hunt around for another when really what our world needs is slow steady change. Recycle your cans, give to provide clean water in Africa and visit the nursing home once in a while. You don’t have to pick a cause. And please don’t go out and spend hundreds on energy saving stuff for your house this year then decide to pick a different issue next year and go out and buy a big honkin’ unnecessary HUMMER. (Which you probably won’t anyway cause of gas prices–but that’s a whole new issue).

All I’m saying is, these are not “go big or go home” issues. They require slow and persistent work. Its counterproductive to start something and then not finish it.

Today’s topic of choice: polygamy. It’s been in the news a lot lately and I just was reminded recently that I have some polygamists in my family not too many generations back. My grandfather’s mother was “wife number 2.” If you know what I mean.

What is it that strikes us as so wrong about polygamy? Because personally, it makes my skin crawl. And why should it when in some cultures it is completely normal and indeed economically necessary? I think for me it has to do with the idea of equity. How can it be possible to treat more than one wife equally? and thus how can it be fair? It is impossible. I do not even believe that many mothers can love all their children equally. In America we have very strong ideas about fairness and that is why polygamy is especially despised here.

I have not actually seen any of the interviews with the Mormon wives but I have heard that they simply want their children back. They seem to be the victims but they are also culpable for the evils inflicted on their own children. But I wonder, what do they think? How can people involved in polygamy think that it is an accurate portrayal of the way life is supposed to work? Am I missing something here? There is nothing fair or right here, yet so many people embraced it?

There is much in the world that I don’t understand and this is one of the great things: the acceptance and embracing of so many people of things that are clearly not right and good. Even if a thing is not even evil but simply NOT RIGHT why would people be willing to accept that? The world is a screwed up place I’m afraid.

(I apologize if this post is a little disorganized but check out the time stamp.)

I realize that I have been slacking a little from the culture side of things so here’s your cultural tidbit of the day: Singapore is an island nation that is a conglomeration of Chinese, Malay, Indian and European culture. They also have regulations on the number of minorities required to live in a certain area. This helps with assimilation and Singaporean (?) nationalism. Also, since I know all of you were wondering, it IS illegal to import any type of chewing gum, although the law was revised in 2004. This is because of the extreme problems they were having with vandals sticking it on mailboxes, etc.

I thought the concept of having requirements on the number of minorities living in an area was very interesting, especially because you can see the effects of not having regulations like that in the U.S. Not that I necessarily think such quotas should be imposed, however, it has come to my attention more and more recently that we really do live in a very segregated world. In the middle class neighborhoods usually are somewhat amalgamated. However, look at most of the lower class living and you will see right away that there are black neighborhoods and Hispanic neighborhoods out of which all the whites have fled.

These neighborhoods are also causing segregation in schools because all the children that live usually attend the same public high schools while white middle-class-America migrates when its children reach high school age, thus allowing them to attend better schools. To me this is a reasonable idea for those moving out. It is a reasonable thing to want your children to attend nice schools if you can provide them the opportunity. However, it is clear that this is becoming a problem in our public school systems and needs to be addressed immediately before some schools end up acting basically as childcare or child-control institutions rather then as the learning environments which they were intended to be.

Ahhhh! I just went into the bathroom and Walter is GONE. That girl who takes fifty minute showers probably aided in his demise…

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