November 15, 2009 • 1:07 pm 0
I realized the other day that happiness has become my idol. The deepest desire of my heart was to be happy rather than to praise my Lord and Savior. Still I haven’t been very happy lately. So what’s going on here? I don’t know but praise God that I can cry to Him for help without knowing what’s going on.
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , desires, God, happiness, idols, praise, spiritual
October 17, 2009 • 11:19 pm 0
to pray. Where do you go to pray? I believe Anne of Green Gables said it best when she said that if she really wanted to pray she would go out in the middle of a field and just feel a prayer. I certainly pray best in the middle of fields, or mountains. Anywhere far away from people and close to nature is a good place to pray (although you can pray anywhere, its just easier there.). There is something almost cleansing about nature and it feels like the place I am closest to God.
Where did Jesus go to pray? to gardens and “mounts” and secluded places with trees not people.
I feel close to God when I watch the clouds grow pink and chase each other across the sky and the first few stars come out. Ideally I would always pray from a mountaintop or by running water.
I think God likes mountains. Let’s look at this analytically (ok, not really analytically–more like–as I think of points)
1. Where did God make a covenant with Noah? well, it was probably a mountain. No guarantees, but obviously those were the first to dry out before a flood.
2. Where did God choose to test Abraham by having him almost sacrifice Isaac? A mountain.
3. Where did God meet Moses to tell him to bring the Israelites out of slavery? A mountain. Horeb–the mountain of God to be exact.
4. Where did God meet Moses again to give him the ten commandments? A mountain. Mount Sinai this time.
And so on and so forth… so I believe that God likes mountains. And I certainly like mountains and most of all I like meeting God on mountains. So we’ll keep our tryst on the craggy places as long as I can find mountains to run to. But when I find myself as I am now without mountains in my life I’ll remember this:
“For you have not come to a mountain that can be touched… but to Mount Zion and to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem and to innumerable angels in festal gathering, and to the assembly of the firstborn who are enrolled in heaven, and to God, the judge of all, and to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, and to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.” Hebrews 12: 18-24
Filed under: Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , Anne of Green Gables, God, hebrews, Jerusalem, Mount Sinai, Mount Zion, Mountains, Prayer
September 3, 2009 • 10:29 pm 0
“Guard your steps when you go to the house of God. Go near to LISTEN rather than to offer the sacrifice of fools who do not know that they do wrong.
Do not be quick with your mouth, do not be hasty in your heart to utter anything before God. God is in heaven and you are on earth, so let your words be few. As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words.”
-Eccl 5:1-3
“And when you pray do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.” -Mt 6:7
Filed under: Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , fools, Prayer, talking, words
• 10:13 pm 1
…with all you heart, soul and mind. (or “The promised second installment of “Finding Love”)
Will I ever find love? but that’s not even the real question. The real question is:
Do I trust God?
and the answer is
YES
no?
I don’t really know, and can I even legitimately call myself a christian if I don’t trust God?
I mean “I just decided to TRUST GOD with my life” is Christianese for “I became a Christian.” So are the two synonymous? Trusting God and being a Christian?
Why don’t I trust God?
I’m not sure I don’t, but its hard for me to trust him with all my heart because I feel like He hasn’t filled up my heart. I still long for something else to fill it.
It’s hard for me to trust him with all my mind because the last time I trusted Him it didn’t really work out. Not on His end, but on mine. I failed miserably. Now my fear is that if I do trust Him I will once again be unable to live faithfully through whatever happens.
When you get burned trusting a person its very hard to trust them again.
What about when you get burned trusting God? can you even say that you got burned trusting God? I mean, is that possible? because ultimately we’re taught that God knows what is going to be the best for us in the end and so everything He does is working towards that…So, each time we feel like He’s violated our trust, its just not really the end of the story?
“You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.”
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , future, God, love, trust
August 25, 2009 • 10:45 pm Enter your password to view comments
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , desperate, finding love, love, trust, trusting God
August 18, 2009 • 11:11 pm 0
Losing perspective is a terrible thing and that is exactly what I did yesterday. Well, actually, it started the night before when I saw blue lights in my rearview mirror. It was a dark and rainy night and apparently I was going 21 mph over the speed limit. Yeah, yikes.
The next day I started nursing classes for the fall and I reached a new level of panic as the teachers laid out their plans for this semester. For the first time in my academic career I thought that maybe I was in over my head and I began to picture my life as a bag lady, no degree, no job and no where to go.
Then I tried to order my $300+ worth of books on ebay and received a nonchalant email about the fact that one of the people I purchased a book from was apparently a fraud so I would have to dispute the charge with paypal as well as with my credit card company. This combined with a multitude of other money issues to completely unravel my sanity.
The long and the short of it was that I reached mega-ultra-freaking out levels and completely lost all perspective on my life. I called my mother in tears in the Wal-Mart parking lot and she and my father, bless their hearts, talked my down from the ledge.
So I have spent today struggling, and it has been a struggle, to regain my normal equilibrium and begin to see my life, once again as God sees it.
I feel that there were two main things that I lost sight of in all of this. They are (not necessarily in order of importance):
1. That I am incredibly lucky and blessed to be where I am and to have the family, friends and, yes, material possessions that I have.
2. That the reason that I am alive to begin with is not about my own comforts and needs but that I can glorify God and love the people around me like God does. (This goes along with my newly developed life philosophy which is to see people like God sees people and to love people like God loves people.)
Anyway after reading in Ephesians and contrasting the futility of the “old life” with the renewing of the “new life” I feel that I have been wallowing in old life. I forgot why I was here and what life is all about and I lost all sense of perspective but I thank God for my friends and family and for reminding me through them that HE is what life is about.
“Get rid of bitterness, rage, and anger, slander and CLAMOR, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another…Be imitators of God therefore, as dearly loved children and LIVE A LIFE OF LOVE just as CHRIST LOVED US AND GAVE HIMSELF UP for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Eph 4:31-5:2
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , ebay scams, Ephesians 4, nursing classes, perspective, speeding, tickets
August 12, 2009 • 9:53 pm 1
I just want to start this out by saying that I have the best friends, possibly, in the history of the world.
I was just trying to think of literary friendships to compare them to in order to explain the magnitude of their friendship but Frodo and Sam or Han and Chewie are the only ones I can think of at the moment and they don’t even begin to cover it. (However, the fact that they are still friends with me when I whip out such nerd-ish analogies might begin to shed light on the quality of their friendship.)
Anyway, after just finishing a four day trip to Orlando together I have just fallen “in friendship” with them all over again.
Most of my friends have been friends since high school (~10th grade) and when we headed off to college our parents assumed we would grow apart. However that has not been the case. I bless the technological advancements of our time for some of this ability to stay close but I also believe it is because these friends are true quality and our friendship is a gift from God.
This summer scared me a little bit. {Ok, a lot bit.} All of my friends disappeared to far off lands, be it Yemen, a summer camp in Texas, an internship in Florida, film school, EMT training, or hopping between Spain and Mexico. I was forced to move to a new city as well in order to begin nursing school. Much of our communication was cut off because of unreliable cell phones and Internet and I knew that things would change. They would change, I would change and our group dynamic would change.
How could I hope to stay in their lives as they sprinted to adventure with new pals who they would be seeing every day?
I vacillated between fear and bitterness/jealousy.
With much trepidation I said goodbye and wished them oh so well in their new lives…and then…they came back! {or are ALMOST back}
And guess what?
They are more wonderful than ever. It was scary to let them go but their trips and adventures this summer have grown them and changed them in ways they could never have grown here.
They do have new friends, which the selfish side of me resents, but how can I resent what they love and those who have stretched them further toward the loving arms of our God and Father?
Each of my friends have changed but OH what a joy to meet and rediscover the new friendship and the new person welling up in each of them.
Although it was scary and desolate to see them go I am so glad that they have had these “summer-lives” that promise to reshape their “forever-lives.”
So my friends have come back, and I know that NOW is the hard part for them. Its like they have been in a greenhouse of growth and communities and change and new experiences over the summer and now they have been returned to hard dry ground.
“For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen {them} with power through his Spirit in {their} inner being so that…{they} may have the power together with all the saints to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ and to know this love that surpasses knowledge–that {they} may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God {even though they’re all back home!}” EPH 3:10-19
So I have learned that the best thing about my friends, in a multitude of great things, is that
I can trust them.
I can trust them to love me even after meeting tons of world class, tremendous people. I can trust them to pursue God and His will for us, our friendship and their own paths in life. I can trust them, even when I’m not sure of ANYTHING else.
And most of all, I can trust them TO GOD because he loves them and he loves our friendships and he knows what is the best for each of us, as cliche as that all sounds.
So I thank God, once again, for my friends and for “falling in friendship” all over again.
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , change, fears, friends, friendship, Frodo and Sam, Han and Chewie, literary friendships, summer
July 7, 2009 • 11:08 pm 1
Hey. So its been a while…I’ve begun nursing school now. Actually I’ve had two weeks of class, which I have really actually enjoyed. There is something very thrilling about feeling that you are actually learning something you might use in the future.
My favorite days are lab days when we get to do hands on learning…such as hand washing. Aseptic technique, ppe’s, vital signs, mobility and most recently bed baths.
One of the things to overcome with this job seems to be simple acceptance of the human body. There are many things that a nurse is required to do that would seem awkward to anyone else, but as the nurse you must simply accept the responsibility with as much stoic aplomb as you can muster. I suppose it is just a way of looking at the human body. Like the artist who sees scenes and movements as all lines and angles a nurse has to see the body as a machine.
Tomorrow we go to the nursing homes for the first time and I am anxious to meet my patient but a little nervous too.
About the living sit: I find that I really enjoy augusta, and it makes me think…no matter where you live there will be things to love about PLACE. Perhaps it is part of my deeprooted wanderlust philosophy that I believe there is something to see everywhere. That each place, each city, each home has unique secret haunts and thinking spots. In augusta I have found a few of these, mostly by the canals.
Running water just makes peace and thinking so much easier. Let me just tell you that at the park the other day the sun was setting and scarlet over the rippling canal and a family of ducks was venturing into the river. Add a light breeze and the easy banter of nearby fishermen and you get the complete beauty of the scene.
Still haven’t found an adequate soccer field but I’m working on that one. Also, I find that I love my road. That’s right the one that runs by my apartment complex. “Nothing special” you’d say, but I love it. It goes up and down and up and down and its just the right amount of mix between a public and private road.
Another reason that I love Augusta is that it is becoming MINE. As I slowly learn my way about the city I find that I love knowing little back roads and where places are. Odd as this is it provides me with a true sense of accomplishment.
Currently I fear: failing most of all, but also loneliness and not fitting in. This last mostly applies with my roommates. In any situation with three friends two are always closer than the third. Why is it that I always feel like the third? Here’s a truly silly fear for you but one I have held for many years: I fear being boring. Or that other people will think I’m boring. If you do…please don’t enlighten me! But of course these are not new fears but old ones rearing their heads. Fear is just the start of finding faith.
God has blessed me in this, as in every, endeavor and I pray that I would use it to His glory and not my own.
Filed under: Life, Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , Augusta, Nursing, Nursing school, parks
June 3, 2009 • 10:14 am 0
“Therefore get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.” James 1:21
“Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.” James 1:27
“These little sins burrow in the soul, and make it so full of that which is hateful to Christ, that He will hold no comfortable fellowship and communion with us. A great sin cannot destroy a Christian, but a little sin can make him miserable. Jesus will not walk with His people unless they drive out every known sin. He says, “If ye keep My commandments, ye shall abide in My love, even as I have kept My Father’s commandments and abide in His love.” Some Christians very seldom enjoy their Saviour’s presence. How is this? Surely it must be an affliction for a tender child to be separated from his father. Art thou a child of God, and yet satisfied to go on without seeing thy Father’s face? What! thou the spouse of Christ, and yet content without His company! Surely, thou hast fallen into a sad state, for the chaste spouse of Christ mourns like a dove without her mate, when he has left her. Ask, then, the question, what has driven Christ from thee? He hides His face behind the wall of thy sins. That wall may be built up of little pebbles, as easily as of great stones. The sea is made of drops; the rocks are made of grains: and the sea which divides thee from Christ may be filled with the drops of thy little sins; and the rock which has well nigh wrecked thy barque, may have been made by the daily working of the coral insects of thy little sins.” Charles Spurgeon
This has convicted me recently. After reading this Spurgeon excerpt on a friend’s blog and then reading these passages this morning it seems evident to me that it is necessary to attempt to cut all “moral filth” and small “pebbes” of sin out of one’s life. The question becomes, “what constitutes moral filth?” I feel that a lot of moral filth enters my life via media influence whether it be movies, songs, tv shows or even some books. (Yeah, can you say romance novel!)
I began to attempt a cleansing of my itunes songs this morning and hit more of a dilemma than I had anticipated. This is trivial, I know, but it represents a larger issue in my life that I was not aware of previously. Are my morals ambiguous?
I started my crusade by eliminating any songs with blatant and repeated cuss words. So far, easy. However as I began to probe deeper I ran into some problems. For instance is this moral filth: “and all the swedish girls/they hang out at the hotel/its sex for green cards/I think they know you very well.” (Butch Walker, The Weight of Her)?
Ok, how bout this? “Cause you’re the type that drive a man crazy and snatch him away from his lady.” (Colby O’Donis What You Got)
Then you have songs like Eric Hutchinson’s Rock & Roll which basically tells the story of a one night stand “and they fall in love as they fall in bed.”
Surely these are all questionable morals. Then you throw in all the songs that I have illegally burned. Are they morally questionable and to be expunged?
This is just a small cross section of the moral ambiguities that have subtly invaded my life. I also find that if I am to pursue this inquisition I will have to cut out all the TV shows I have been watching as well as most movies. Even completely clean books are hard to come by. So what does this mean? Am I being completely unreasonable? Perhaps. In fact there is a large probability that that is true.
I would love y’alls feedback on this. What is and isn’t moral filth? How is the world polluting our lives and what should we as Christians do in response to it? What is and isn’t reasonable? (I mean if I keep up with this program I’m not gonna have anything left in my itunes except hymns! Help a girl out here!)
Filed under: Moral/Spiritual, Uncategorized , Butch Walker, Charles Spurgeon, Colby O'Donis, Eric Hutchinson, itunes, Morals, Songs
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